Sometimes I question whether I am truly even a Christian. What does that even mean? I do not question the existence of God or the basic tenants of this faith. I can argue intellectually my belief in a higher power. However, I never do anything I about it. I don't even attempt. I exist here, festering in His Grace, making a complete mess of things in the process. I struggle so deeply with a desire to control my life, so I don’t pray because the answer might not be one I want to hear. I think it is amusing how I am in the middle of writing this blog about faith (or lack thereof) and I get a phone call from a stranger, offering her services to me in helping me find a teaching job. The catch: she does not work in Florida. Faith. Do I have any at all?
Perhaps I should pray about it...
“Joy comes from seeing the complete fulfillment of the specific purpose for which I was created and born again, not from successfully doing something of my own choosing...We each need to find a niche in life, and spiritually we find it when we receive a ministry from the Lord. To do this we must have close fellowship with Jesus and must know Him as more than our personal Savior”
Oh hey Oswald Chambers, thanks for the kick in the ass.